So there was this guy, right.  He rolled into the Dallas Animal Shelter to find his missing cat that someone had brought in because they thought it was a stray.  He signed the guest book at the front desk and proceeded to scan the cages for his cat.  When he found his feline friend, he was told by the animal shelter that he would have to pay a $132 fine for rabies shots, boarding, and a microchip.  After he flipped out about the fine and then left, he came back with a baseball bat and a cat carrier, and while warding off shelter employees with the bat, collected his cat and ran off.  Police are currently looking for the guy, who signed his name in the guest book…

Upset over fee, man wields bat to get back cat

We at Srsly Geeks have a special holiday treat for you, dear reader.  But you’ll have to be patient.  Your gift will arrive sometime in December, but here’s a hint: it’s going to be a mockumentary based on one of our favorite consumer events and it’s sure to be completely awesometastic.  We’re working night and day (not really) to bring you this video delight, and will be blogging regularly (maybe like, once a week) with updates on the progress of your gift.

frozen mice + Japanese scientists = woolly mammoths

Okay, I know you’re bad at math, so I’ll explain my little equation up there.  Some Japanese scientists at Japan’s RIKEN research institute in Yokohama decided to take some 16-year-old frozen mice and use their brain cells to clone more mice.  Since freezing caused the cells to burst, and they still managed to clone more mice, scientists are now playing around with the idea that their technique could be used to resurrect extinct animals, like the woolly mammoth.  Why woolly mammoths?  Because there have been many mammoths found preserved in ice.

Okay, mammoths are kick-ass-tastic, right up there with prehistoric saber cats, like the one in 10,000 BC (which is an awful movie, save the giant Saber cat), but I really don’t think we need to be cloning colossal, oversized, furry elephants that could crush a car with a sneeze.  Remember Jarassic Park?  I wouldn’t hesitate to say that what happened there was a disaster!!!

Thankfully, the article states the following:

“However, it has been suggested that the ‘resurrection’ of frozen extinct species (such as the woolly mammoth) is impracticable, as no live cells are available, and the genomic material that remains is inevitably degraded,” they [the scientists] said.

Phew! Okay, I guess I can understand the benefit, but I don’t want to be crushed, okay?!

Frozen mice cloned — are extinct species next?

The ICHC LOLword magnets have been around for quite awhile, but now that Christmas is coming up, I’ve decided that someone has to get these for me.  I’ll have to relocate all the “Cliche” phrase magnets that litter the entire front of my fridge.  But there must be room for LOLs in the kitchen!

The magnet set apparently comes with like, a bajillion lolwords, including WAI, HARBL, MONORAIL, and PEW PEW PEW.

WANT!!!

I just wish it didn’t cost $11.99.

I’ve failed again.  I had to look up the meaning of “less QQ, more pew pew.”

Okay.  I’ll stop with the horrible puns.  But srsly, look at that dog up there…leading the Pugweiser Chow Wagon. Now THAT’S a pet costume.

It’s way more awesometastic than the chicken hat I bought for my cat. Maybe that’s why she didn’t like it, because it didn’t pwn like most of the pet costumes on Today’s “Your Frightfully Furry Halloween Pets” page.  That’s got to be it.

Here are a couple more of my favorite pet costumes.  Hit the link above for tons more.

Cats.  And Green.  Lime Green.

You’ve probably heard of Mr. Green Genes by now, but he’s so cute and simultaneously kick-ass that he deserves yet another mention here.  SO here’s the deal - Mr. Greene Genes is a 6-month old orange tabby who looks normal enough. But when the lights go out, he glows! Green!

From the article:

The researchers [at the Audubon Center for Research of Endangered Species] made him so they could learn whether a gene could be introduced harmlessly into the feline’s genetic sequence to create what is formally known as a transgenic cat. If so, it would be the first step in a process that could lead to the development of ways to combat diseases via gene therapy.

I’m happy to note that this cloned kitty’s green genes don’t hurt him.  The gene is “just a marker” to see if it went where researchers intended it to go.  Despite this, though, one kind of wonders where a breakthrough like this might be headed.  I mean, I want a green-glowing kitty.  Who wouldn’t pay top-dollar for something that adorable?  So what if green-glowing kittens are mass-produced and sold as the new fad in domesticated pets?  Think of all the breeding people would be doing, and how many glowing kittens will be roaming the streets, getting attacked by predators because their natural defenses are rendered useless because they freakin’ glow in the dark?

Glow-in-the-dark cat a genetic success (@ www.ajc.com)

The ESRB and Parenting.com have joined forces to make sure parents don’t accidentally buy little Jimmy a game with a title like “Man Slaughter: Day of Murder” by launching a widget to let parents research game ratings online.

Can we say overkill, people? The ratings are on the box. Reviews of games are already online. Here’s a tip parents: If the box says T or M, chances are you don’t want your kid playing it.

The parasite Toxoplasma gondii is (literally) under the microscope, being tested for its effects on mice.  Scientists have found that mice infected with the parasite (which can only be produced in cat feces) lose emotional cognitive abilities as the toxo protozoans attach themselves to the amygdala, develop cysts, and “manipulate the wiring” of the brain.  The mice then lose their little mousy reasoning abilities and their fear of the smell of cat urine, thus becoming sitting ducks to hungry cats.

Studies continue to understand how toxoplasma parasites affect humans:

Although scientists are just starting to study Toxo’s effects on adult humans, the initial evidence suggests that “Toxo does something to humans quite reminiscent to what it does to rats and mice,” Sapolsky said. He’s not talking about a sudden fondness for cat pee - rather, the organism is thought to mess with the way our brains handle rewards and impulse control.

So I dunno, that’s kind of creepy.  What if toxo parasites evolve into zombie parasites, and humans start sniffing cat urine like in that South Park episode, and the parasites get in human brains and that’s how the Zombie Apocalypse really starts and what if we all die and I hate zombies!!!!!

Read a whole bunch more about Toxo (soon-to-be Zombie) parasites here.

Close your eyes and imagine that you’re sitting in a booth at Denny’s.  The waiter approaches your table and asks what you’d like for lunch. 

“The Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser,” you say confidently.  Suddenly, a coffee cup shatters on the floor, and you look over to see another waitress, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

“A-Are you sure?” Your waiter stutters.

“Of course!”

A half-hour later, a 15-pound burger is filling the table before you, topped with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, banana peppers, and a cup each of ketchup, mustard, relish, and mayonnaise.  The owner comes out to tell you that the burger, in its entirety, weighs 20.2 pounds.

Your name is Brad Sciullo, you’re 21 years old, 5-foot-11, and weigh 180 pounds.  It takes you 4 hours and 39 minutes to eat your Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser, and all you get is $400, some t-shirts, and a gift certificate.

Srsly.

Update: I was just thinking… how exactly would you eat that thing, anyway?  And wouldn’t it get cold and disgusting?